Thursday, May 27, 2010

"I'd settle for him"

Recently a student tutor came to my course to study with us. At first my immediate thought was he's nothing special. However i caught him looking over at me a few times. So i'm going to ask you, do we notice people only when they notice us? Are we suddenly brought into a game from the moment we catch them glancing at us? Do we feel that lonely, that when someone even glimpses at us, we are instantly beginning to look at them more and think about them more. We keep thinking about them until we become subtly obsessed with them. Well my good friend Theo (who is in a strong gay relationship with his partner going on two and a half years now, congratulations!) was also caught in this insane guessing game with the same person. I think it may be because when he looks at us we become tied in somehow, we feel wanted, I know that Theo's doing well with his relationship. And perhaps was not so emotionally tied in like i was. But we both recognized he had that cute geeky-ness about him. Theo was unaware how much i liked this tutor. That's why when he asked if i liked him i responded reluctantly with "I'd settle for him". This was merely a cover up for my silent screams of "BE MINE!". If i had told Theo that i basically loved this tutor, great competition would have risen. Thus also judgmental comments on why i would choose him over anyone.

I'm beginning to evade the main message of this post. So here's the conclusion. Even if it was just a cute stare, maybe its wise to keep your feelings in the dark just for a little bit longer. In case the guys not actually gay.
-i could imagine the embarrassment upon me if i approached him. But, this is what i don't understand, we are called sluts for approaching someone we are interested in, and yet we are also called wimps for not approaching? Life...well its one of the most annoying and random things created.

1 comment:

Sevana said...

I know how you feel; I think you should go for it, but softly-softly... show your feelings with your actions and body language and not with talking specially when he is your tutor.